I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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