I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
