The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
