I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
