I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
