I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
