I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
