I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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