You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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