Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
