we're chasing vodka with high fives
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
