Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
