Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
