he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
