I'm jealous of your bromance
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
