I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
