no, he came in my armpit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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