OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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