if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
