Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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