Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
