I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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