his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
