They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
