There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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