It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
