someone get that fucking seahorse.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
