There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
