i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
