I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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