I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
