Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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