I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
