I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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