so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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