thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
