It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
