he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
