Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
3pm strippers are depressing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
