Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
