I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
being pregnant is like rehab
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
