Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
