i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
