and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
