How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
