Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
