I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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