Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
