Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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