Screwed.edu
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
