I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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