Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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