eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
