I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
