saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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