I showed him my bush... on skype.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
