no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
